Thursday, January 31, 2008

Trash Talk

Last night when I went I went to give the little one a bath I realized we had entered a new phase of toddlerhood. A sample sized tube of toothpaste was sitting at the bottom of the toilet. My husband happened to be standing there as I fished it out. Since baby loves his bath and was getting anxious about getting in the tub I asked my husband if he could throw it away for me. First he asks, "Are you sure you don't want to save it?" Um, for what? My museum of things I've fished out of the toilet? This is not the depression buddy. It's a half used sample of Crest Kids that the 7 year old got at the dentist a few weeks ago. Yeah. It's trash. Of course, I didn't say any of this, I just gave him my look that says, "Seriously?" So, he drops it in the trashcan next to the toilet.

Now, people, is it just me or do all moms know that you cannot throw that away in that can? First of all, when my older son goes in there later to brush his teeth, I guarantee you that he will fish it out of the trash and use it. Plus, next time the little one gets in the bathroom he will see it in the trash and put it back in the toilet. So I told him, "This needs to go in the kitchen trash. Downstairs. Probably hidden under some other items." Then he gives ME the look that says I am incredibly anal/insane, but he humors me. Does anyone else's household work this way? Do your children leave things in the trash or do they constantly pull things out as if each can were their own personal prize box?

Can I get a witness?

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

All done

My younger son (22 mos.) has always stopped to pick up any little thing he finds on the rug. A small piece of thread. A leaf (my older son constantly brings them in from outside). A dustbunny (hey, I'm being honest here). After carefully picking up the item he brings it to me and says, "All done!" He knows it belongs in the trash but I think he is really trying to let me know that I need to vacuum more often.

Anyway, this afternoon he toddles up with a clenched fist and takes my hand and places something in it, announcing "All done!" "Oh, what do you have?" I ask. Surely an old Cheerio from under the sofa, a wood chip that brother carried in from the playground, another dust bunny? No, my friends. It was a piece of POOP! Yeah, that's right. I freaked too. It was about the size of a grape. When I realized what it was I jumped up and immediately checked his hands and then, god help me, smelled his breath (all clear, thank god). I couldn't find poop on anything! I checked every possible place he had been in the few minutes that we were upstairs. Where the hell did it come from? We may never know. I hate to think that I need to vacuum my house so badly that the dust bunnies have become so large that they have started, you know, pooping.

Please don't call Social Services on me. A few minutes before the incident I changed a dirty diaper. I think that the item in question must have fallen out of the diaper during clean up. Well, that's the best explantion I have anyway. I know. Ew.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

He's Back!

The Husband returned Friday afternoon which we were all grateful for, mainly because we were all ready for some real food. The Husband did not disappoint. Friday night we had tuna medallions in a red wine reduction with white bean paste. It was heavenly. Last night he made french onion soup - it was so rich we just had bread with it and that was it. So good!

I managed to escape yesterday to get a much needed haircut/highlights - way overdue - and a mani/pedi. Then today I went to a matinee of There Will Be Blood. It was really good. Daniel Day-Lewis should walk away with Oscar - he was amazing. Also, in the Where Are They Now files, his fake brother was played by the creepy bartender who becomes Daryl Hannah's husband in Steel Magnolias. I don't remember his actual name but you probably don't either so that description should be OK.

So I'm ready to kick off another crazy week. Tomorrow the baby and I visit the preschool I am hoping to get him into in the fall and later in the week we start swimming lessons. Charlie absolutely LOVES the water so he is going to love them. What may not be getting love is my extremely white body. I'm worried I may glow under those flourescent pool lights.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Blow me

Things have been nuts this week with my husband out of town. I don't think he has been gone more than one night since the little one was born so it's been a loooong week. Did I mention it rained - yeah, that helps the time pass.

Anyway, my youngest, Charlie will be two in March and over the last two weeks he has just gotten..... older! He has grown taller (all his pants are starting to look short), he has tried a ton of new foods (other than the Cheerios, yogurt and buttered toast diet he has been subsisting on), and has also become more stubborn (hello two!). I pulled out all the stops tonight and made hot dogs. The Husband does all the cooking and when he is not here we usually just eat out but with the rain and after eating out all week I just wasn't up to it so - hot dogs it was. Charlie, who has NEVER eaten any meat, ate a whole hot dog! I wasn't even planning on giving him one but he clearly wanted one so we tried it. And yes, I cut it up super small so he wouldn't choke. I know that this is not exciting news but maybe he will actually gain some weight now. Last weigh in was 21 lbs 3oz. I know.

All of this to tell you that it took him FOREVER to eat the thing because he insists that everyone blow on every piece of his food, one bite at a time, before he eats it. EVERYONE. So, he picks up a bite, blows on it, holds it out to me, I blow on it, then holds it out to brother who is paying no attention, so I have to say, "Bobby, blow" and he blows on it, and THEN Charlie can eat the bite. Since I cut the hot dog into about 35 pieces dinner lasted about 4 hours. We actually saved a little time since my husband wasn't here. What really cracked me up is that we are all so used to doing this at every meal that when I say, "Bobby, blow" he doesn't even look up - he just blows towards the high chair. I know this is all so exciting that you're wondering what you could do to be lucky enough to have dinner here. It's a thrill a minute folks.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

All About Meme

I had a huge lunch which has left me tired and uncreative. So I am copying this meme from Ladybug's Picnic:

1. What is your occupation? Stay at home mother

2. What color are your socks right now? Black - a thin pair that I wear with boots

3. What are you listening to right now? Not a blessed thing. Baby is napping and The Husband and big boy are at the Children's Museum. Take your time boys.

4. What was the last thing you ate? BBQ wings and pork stuffed potato skins. I know, it sounds kind of gross to me right now too.

5. Can you drive a stick shift? I used to be able to but I haven't in a long time.

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Green.

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My mom. We talk almost every day.

8. How old are you today? 36.

9. Favorite drink? Diet Coke

10. What is your favourite sport to watch? Do I have to? I guess college football.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? I highlight my hair and really need a touch up right now.

12. Favorite reality TV show? Amazing Race - although I haven't been watching this season.

13. What was the last movie you watched? Either Atonement or Juno - I can't remember.

14. Favorite day of the year? Thanksgiving

15. What do you do to vent anger? I usually give The Husband an earful.

16. What was your favorite toy as a child? My Weeble tree house

17. What is your favorite, fall or spring? Fall.

18. Hugs or kisses? Hugs.

19. Cherries or blueberries? Neither

20. Do you want your friends to email you back? You mean if I email them first? I guess.

21. Favorite dessert? Cheesecake

22. Living arrangement? I share a lovely two story brick home with my husband and two boys, ages 7 and almost 2.

23. When was the last time you cried? Actually, last night. I watched a CSI rerun where kids were abused and it just tore me up.

24. What is on the floor of your closet? Shoes, a hamper, two boxes of old magazines, wrapping paper, tissue paper and about 10 tote bags. Probably time to clean out the closet.

25. What did you do last night? Stayed on the couch and watched TV.

26. What inspires you? People who seem to have it all together.

(I guess 27-29 were cut)

30. What are you afraid of? Snakes. Dear lord, snakes. They have no legs, no wings, no fins - and they move! It's just wrong.

31. Plain, cheese, or spicy burgers? Cheesburger, baby. The best in the world are at Rosewood Dairy Bar/Zesto in Columbia, SC.

32. Favorite breed of dog? Westhighland Terrier

33. How many years at your current job? I have stayed at home since the birth of my oldest in 2000.

34. Favorite day of the week? Saturday.

35. How many states have you lived in? 11: Pennsylvania, New Jersey, West Virginia, Alabama, California, Minnesota, Tennessee, Florida, Georgia, North Carolina and South Carolina.

36. Celebrity crush? Not so much.

37. Ever driven a motorcycle or heavy machinery? No, motorcycles scare me to death.

38. Who is your favorite NFL team? This is the south, baby. We watch college football.

39. Do you have a house phone that is not cordless? Yes, unplugged in the laundry room in case the power goes out.

40. 10 inches of snow or 100 degree weather? 10 inches of snow. I hate the heat. If it never got over 75 I would be thrilled.

I want more

Like several of you I am really missing More, More More and All Things Pink and Green and In-between. My blog is so new that they probably have never even been here but just in case can you include me?

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Peek 'n Pay

It is absolutely pouring here today. The oldest is out of school for teacher workdays and of course I picked today to schedule four different appointments.

First up - a follow up visit to the ENT for baby boy who had tubes put in his ears a few weeks ago. By the time we all got into the office we were soaked - I think I got greedy trying to bring my Venti Caramel Apple Spice in along with two kids, an umbrella and a ginormous diaper bag but - live and learn. The problem came AFTER the appointment. I am trying to fish for my wallet in said bag, prop the baby on my other hip and keep him out of reach of my drink while keeping an eye on the oldest who is digging in the prize box. I should tell you that I was wearing this shawl collar sweater from Banana Republic but in a deep green color.

After talking with the receptionist, setting up another appointment and nodding another goodbye to the doctor I realize that the baby has pulled the edge of the sweater back COMPLETELY exposing my right boob (which isn't even the big one). Could I get him to let go of the sweater? Of course not - he went all two year old on me and started shrieking as if exposing my boob to this office was his one joy in the world. So to the grinning dad in reception: The reason your kid fell off of that chair was 'cause you were looking at my boob. Nice parenting.

I'll let you know later if the folks at the dentist's office got a peek.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Jealous Much?

The snarky comment left on my previous post was from none other than my husband, Robert, aka The Husband. He has had a blog of his own for a while and has been encouraging me to start one of my own. As he was helping me set it up he explained that it would probably be a few months before people began commenting but not to get discouraged. It was a slow process. Within hours I had my first comment. I had three in the first 24 hours. I have been torturing The Husband with my popularity ever since. Apparently, the green eyed monster has arrived in the form of the previously mentioned comment. Since I choose to rise above these petty jealousies (and since clearly I am far more popular) I will give a shout out to his blog Al Forno Charleston You can scroll down to the post "A Little Food Math" to read a story about me. (See, even on his blog, it's all about me!)

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

They DO make Sunday

When I was a little girl I always wanted those days of the week underpants but never got them. The idea of labeled underwear TOTALLY appealed to me. So about two weeks ago I was strolling through Gymboree checkin' out their big post-holiday sale for the boys. What do I find? Days of the week underpants - for boys! I had never seen them for boys before. Well, since the baby is still is diapers I grabbed a pack for the 7 year old. I wasn't sure if he would like them as much as I did but I didn't care. Well, apparently OCD is genetic because he loves them. In fact, he doesn't want to wear any of his other underwear. And of course it all has to be worn on the correct day.

This has not been a problem until tonight when he went to put on his Wednesdays for tomorrow. They were still in the hamper. (How is this possible? I swear I have done at least 420 loads of laundry since last Wednesday. What DO I do all day?) So there was a big scene and if he had handled it differently I might have done a special load tonight but instead he made some rude remarks about my inability to do my job..... Yeah. So he's sportin' dinosaur undies tomorrow. And he's gonna have to like it. And I guess I'll be doing some laundry.

Monday, January 14, 2008


I was driving along a busy road today when a scruffy looking guy ran out in the road and started waving his arms. Well, I was in the left lane so I just kept on going but I was a little nervous. I didn't see a car so I thought he must be a hitchhiker or just your garden variety crazy person. As soon as I passed him I glanced in the rearview and the top of a giant tree landed in the road!!! I am talking about five feet or more of pine tree. I realized that there were some guys trimming the tree and they have trimmed it onto the ROAD!!! A BUSY road where the speed limit is 50! Shouldn't they have some signs blocking a lane off or something? Seriously, this thing almost landed RIGHT on top of my car! I don't think sending someone wearing NO safety equipment or uniform out in the street waving their hands at you qualifies as "ensuring a safe environment". So - close call, but I still lived to get that Egg McMuffin so it was all good.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Caviar Dreams

I had the most vivid yet bizarre dream last night. I was having dinner over at Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick's house. Interestingly it was decorated horribly in that old country blue and peach. The living room had country blue wallpaper with peach hearts and there were a lot of dried flower arrangements. Who knew. Matthew cooked and made linguini with clams. It was REALLY good. Queen Latifah was there and she was hysterical. I was seated next to Oprah and she was really happy to hear my suggestions for fundraising for her school. Maybe I need to get out more. Or not read USWeekly so much.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

100 Things About Me

  1. I was born in Philadelphia.

  2. My family moved 7 times by the time I started 6th grade.

  3. We ended up in southeast Tennessee which is what I now consider "home".

  4. My first car was a beautiful green MG. It broke down alot.

  5. I convinced my Dad that I needed a reliable back up car, so he bought me a new Honda Civic.

  6. That Civic was involved in at least 9 accidents. My Dad used to say that the only original part on that car was the engine.

  7. I swear I am a good driver.

  8. I graduated from Florida State University with an English degree.

  9. I met my husband in graduate school at the University of South Carolina. We were working on graduate degrees in English lit.

  10. I quit after one semester but did not quit the husband to be.

  11. I later went back to graduate school and got my MLIS (Masters in Library and Information Science).

  12. Yes, I am a librarian. Whenever I would tell people what I did they would say, "No, seriously."

  13. Which is what they also used to say about my first job working at a fertility clinic. Yes, they really have a room with porn.

  14. I am addicted to Diet Coke.

  15. I am accused of being indecisive. However, usually I just don't have an opinion.

  16. If I do have an opinion it is usually a very strong one.

  17. I really loved my wedding. The only thing I wish is that I could attend it as a guest as well.

  18. Two of my biggest pet peeves are a) people who do not pick up their animals crap and b) people who leave shopping carts in parking lots.

  19. I prefer to have a hot lunch.

  20. I would rather have a big lunch and a small dinner although usually this doesn't happen.

  21. I am not crafty.

  22. I cannot stand to get anything under my fingernails. This is one of the reasons I don't like to cook or garden.
  23. I love to read.
  24. I subscribe to too many magazines.
  25. I hate cleaning the bathtub or shower.
  26. I live at the beach but would rather live in the mountains.
  27. I am very organized. Having children makes this difficult.
  28. My husband is the smartest person I know.
  29. I LOVE to go to the movies. My husband HATES going to the movies because he doesn't like to hear everyone chewing their popcorn and crinkling their candy wrappers.
  30. I end up going by myself a lot which most people think is weird but I actually kind of enjoy.
  31. I take way too much Advil. I always take four. This plus my insane Diet Coke consumption pretty much guarantees that my kidneys are going to shut down well before the rest of me.
  32. I get horrible migraines that are almost always related to the weather. I have had them since I was a little kid.
  33. The only bone I have ever broken was the middle finger on my left hand when I was in 8th grade. I had to wear a splint that had me shooting a permanant bird - everyone thought it was extremley cool.
  34. I am allergic to cats.
  35. I think that there are very few things that are not improved by sour cream or cream cheese. Except maybe the size of my ass.
  36. I love to play any card game.
  37. I do not enjoy nature. Let me be more specific. I like to look at it. I do not want it in my house or touching me.
  38. I do not recycle. Mostly because it's all I can do to get the regular trash out of the house at the right time. A friend of mine said I should call my blog "I don't recycle" but I think the haters would be crawling out of the woodwork.
  39. I hate coleslaw. Don't tell me that your version has some great ingredient that I will love. I won't.
  40. I don't enjoy cooking. My husband does almost all the cooking and loves it. So do I.
  41. My parents divorced when I was a senior in high school.
  42. I had one sister (younger) who died five years ago.
  43. I now have one half sister and assorted step siblings.
  44. I had crazy teeth that required serious orthodonture.
  45. They had to pull four permanant teeth as well as my wisdom teeth to make room for all my huge teeth.
  46. On my summers in college my dad made me work at a candy factory packing candy on twelve hour swing shifts. This was supposed to teach me the value of a dollar. It did.
  47. I never had insomnia until I worked swing shifts. I have had it on and off ever since.
  48. I have never waited tables.
  49. I love to read - anything really.
  50. I have never been to Europe.
  51. I have been to Hong Kong.
  52. I have also been to Canada and Mexico.
  53. When I get stressed out I like to get in the car and drive.
  54. I have varied tastes in music. Except for jazz, I like almost all kinds of music.
  55. I played the french horn in elementary and middle school.
  56. I took piano lessons for years but can hardly play now.
  57. We have a piano that mostly collects dust.
  58. The thought of going into outerspace scares me to death.
  59. So does going deep in the ocean.
  60. I tried to take diving lessons and did fine until the first ocean dive. Then I quit.
  61. I hate going in the ocean above my waist. It just seems like a giant fish toilet.
  62. I am also extremely scared of stingrays.
  63. In college, I got stranded on a sandbar in the Gulf of Mexico with two friends. We were there all day with no food or water until the coast guard finally found us.
  64. I don't like to drive a boat because there are no lanes.
  65. I have asthma which is usually under control but EVERY fall I get bronchitis and usually pneumonia.
  66. I have never been a bridesmaid. This sounds like I have no friends but actually most of my really good friends are still single.
  67. I have been asked to be a bridesmaid once but the wedding was a couple weeks after the birth of my first baby and was not close by so I had to miss it.


After lurking for ages I have finally leapt into the blogging world. The first blog I read (obsessively) was the now defunct Preppy Cafe. Through that great blog I have made many wonderful discoveries (see sidebar). I have delayed starting my own blog mostly due to a big move and the birth of a second child. Now that said child is closing in on two years old and we have unpacked (almost) all the boxes I am out of excuses.

My big concern was a title. My seven year old son suggested, "I Have a Boring Life". Since his own blog deals exclusively with Legos, things you can build with Legos, and how one might possibly get more money to purchase more Legos, I didn't take his advice. While my title may not seem edgy or original it will have to do for now. I am The Wife.